D.I.Y. - Oil Change

[marcel]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

 

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

================================================== ======

 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench lightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood low

38)Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

 

Money spent:

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $40.00

 

Total - - $4,165.00

 

But you know the job was done right! :1

[marcel]

Re: D.I.Y. - Oil Change

 

Desi am inceput topicul ca si o gluma, de data asta am o intrebare serioasa. Imi povestea un batrinel din vecini, ca la camioane, dupa ce scoateau uleiul, bagau 4-5 litri de motorina, dadeau o cheie, lasau motorul 15-20 de secunde, dupa care scurgeau motorina. Datorita faptului ca motorina este uleioasa (ceva lubrifiere exista) precum si ca motorul nu mergea mult timp, acesta nu era afectat. Zicea, ca iesea din motor ca si uleiul, astfel incit se facea un pic de curatenie si pe dinauntru. Ieri, am schimbat uleiul, si mi-am amintit de povetele lui. Ati auzit/incercat careva asa ceva??? Parca nu este o prostie chiar asa de mare.

[soimu]

Re: D.I.Y. - Oil Change

 

am facut eu la aro 10 cu mott de vw 1600 asa

dupa circa 5-6 secunde, motorul a inceput sa mearga greu

am oprit de urgenta

nu cred ca am facut prea bine

1. urme de ulei vechi in uleiul nou nu o sa aibe nici o problema, dar urme de motorina in uleiul nou cu siguranta nu e de bine

2. la motor nu cred ca-i place sa mearga fara ungere... chiar si cateva secunde, sunt totusi sute de rpm si deci frecari f f mari si dese

3. dupa afacerea aia, nu stiu daca are sau nu legatura, la o vreme m-a lasat pompa de ulei, de fapt s-a blocat supapa de suprapresiune si imi facea o presiune de arunca garnitura de la filtru afara

4. mai bine iei un ulei f ieftin si il bagi in motor, il lasi cu el 10 minute, il arunci si bagi cel bun, sau. iei didrect unu f bun si nu mai te complici

5. bagi si un dura lube sau metabond daca ot vrei sa faci ceva temeinic

personal nu recomand motorina

[Marius C alias Turagmes]

Re: D.I.Y. - Oil Change

 

sau cumperi o solutie special facuta ptr curatarea motorului....le gasesti peste tot....si le poti folosi in siguranta....ptr motor :grin:

[mirciulica]

Re: D.I.Y. - Oil Change

 

Aha, eu am facut asta la opel astra 1,6 benzina.

 

Si am spart motoru!

 

se facea, poate se mai face, da sa nu incercati la benzinare ca nu merge!

 

Aa inca ceva. am facut si la dacie si a mers perfect, a scos si mama lu mizerie din motor si nu a patit nimic.

dar nu asi mai incerca odata.

[marcel]

Re: D.I.Y. - Oil Change

 

Avind in vedere virsta onorabila a fostului vecin (fie-i tarina usoara) mai mult ca sigur ca povestea de camioane de prin '30-'40-'50 etc. Acuma, sincer imi pare rau ca niciodata nu am avut timp sau dispozitia sa-i ascult 'timpeniile' cum le catalogam eu atunci, in ignoranta mea. Mea culpa, desi e clar ca e prea tirziu.

 

@Marius am luat solutie deaia speciala, insa ce nu imi place e ca bag cca 1/2l in uleiul deja uzat, las motorul cit zic ei dupa care ii dau drumul. Nu mi se pare ca ar face mare curatenie. Poate daca as baga vreo 3-4l numai de solutie deaia, ar fi ceva. Poate o sa fac un experiment la un moment dat.

 

@soimu' de la metabond am luat solutia aia de spalat motorul. Tu ai bagat si tratamentul de motor si esti multumit de rezultat???

 

@mirciulika pe vremea cind aveam dacie, la fiecare 5 schimburi (25.000 km) dadeam jos baia de ulei, o spalam frumos, scoteam sorbul pompei de ulei, il curatam de puteai sa-l pui in loc de ciur la masina de tocat carne. Dupa primii 5000 km dupa operatiunea asta, scoteam uleiul de vedeai prin el. Era aproape ca si cum l-am bagat.